First there was Grindhouse, then there was The Expendables, now there's Machete – the B-Movie with the A-list cast.

If you were one of the lucky few people to see Grindhouse – the joint collaboration between directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez – then you'll know the B-Movie is back in vogue.

You may remember one of the fake trailers – brief showreels for awesome films that didn't really exist – called Machete, about Danny Trejo's revenge-seeking mercenary (tagline: "They just f##ked with the wrong Mexican!"). Well, Rodriguez has decided that Machete deserves to be a real movie – and he's lined up a stellar cast.

Trejo will return as Machete, obviously, but he'll be joined by – get this – Robert De Niro, playing a crooked villain and presumably the villain of the piece. If that wasn't awesome enough, Rodriguez has roped in Jessica Alba to make an appearance, while Lindsay Lohan and Michelle Rodriguez also appear on the cast sheet. Eighties legends Don Johnson, Cheech Marin and Jeff Fahey make up the numbers.

But topping even De Niro and LiLo in the cool stakes is the news that tubby action stalwart Steven Seagal has been convinced to come out of semi-retirement. Consider us sold.

Just when we thought The Expendables had the most awesome cast ever, along came Machete...

Pinch yourself: it's a real movie, and it begins shooting in weeks, not months. We'll keep you posted on any new developments or long-forgotten stars added to the roster. Anyone got Steve Guttenberg's number?